Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Let your spouse help you -

This is one of the more condescending sentences I have thought in a while: Let your spouse help you. I bet every husband and wife out there is so pleased that I am giving permission to LET them HELP you. It is a real thing though that Tired Girls should consider.

Years ago Joe and I were having a "discussion" about "things" getting done, and in the heat of the moment he said these words:

"If you really want to help out around here you can ..." And then he named some meaningless chore that was hotly contested at the time.

We both froze at the ridiculousness of the statement - "If I really want to help out?" Where to begin.

Luckily - for everyone's safety - as the words left his lips and reached my ears we both started laughing. It is now a happy joke in our house - after working long days at home and at work we will, smilingly, say to each other "If you really want to help out around here you can --  and then we name some huge task like "invent something imperative that every human needs so we can retire wealthy tomorrow and watch movies all day."

The truth is though that it is important to let your spouse help out so that everyone can move along in life. When Joe loads the dishwasher and I later open the dishwasher, honestly, I flinch hard at the use of space and placement of the dishes. Is there a split second where I want to rearrange the whole place so things fit and work and all that? Yes! Is that a good use of time to RE-DO an already done task? Not really. Especially, for a Tired Girl. Instead I suck it up, close the dishwasher, hug and kiss him for loading it and we both skip off to relax or do something fun together. Not so much skipping as just walking, but it seems more carefree to skip. Joe has probably never skipped.

I am very sure that when I weed or do anything much in the yard he looks at my "done" area and flinches hard as well, but is thankful that one bed is less messy than it was, so he hugs and kisses me and thanks me for weeding and we drink a beer and lay in the grass and are done in the yard for the day.

I could give you a list of tasks like this - things the other person does in a way different than you would do and it's in the best interest of your life to let it go most of the time. Yes, there is a little training involved, so to speak, on everyone's part so that things get done well, but that can happen over time.  LOTS and LOTS of good can come from this and I am sure you can infer all the subtleties, and in the end, us Tired Girls get more done when we have help.
There is a scene in the movie "Date Night" with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell, where she is exhausted and he is trying to help her and she just plans to do it all herself, because he doesn't do the things "right." Later in the movie they get it all worked out, but don't make yourself go through all that.

Let some things go, let your spouse help.

Joe does our Christmas cards every year - here is our photo from 2006.
I fought him for the first few years trying to get in on the fun and and give my two cents.
Now, I have let go, it is all his, he does an awesome job,
and it's one less thing for the holiday season for me.

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