Sunday, February 10, 2019

January Challenge: Planking -

The short version is this: I planked every day for the month of January and the only thing that happened is that I hate planking now. 

The longer version is this: 

I bought the Commit30 planner this year and each month there is a place to create your own challenge. It's the simplest thing, and I could have totally just put a check mark by each date on another calendar, but this is special! It has circles for each day, and reflection, and a place for a prize! 

My goal was to get up to 2:00 minutes, and to do it early in the day to get it over with. I started at about 45 seconds and it seemed easy enough. It was miserable, but doable. I set the timer on my phone and you'd think I'd want a distraction, but I just bore my eyes in to the timer screen and watched the seconds tick up and assumed that each second represented me becoming a fucking bad-ass planker. 

Pffft. As if three minutes is real. 
Why planking you ask? In the middle of the story. I don't know. I read it was good for you and seemed liked an easy January challenge. No supplies or much time needed. 

Literally right in the middle of the month I hit my highest time without really trying at 1:32. I assumed I would continue to add a few seconds each day and do a final push at the end of the month to 2:00. 

But on the 16th and 17th and 18th something was happening... I hated planking. Like for no good reason dreaded those few seconds of the day and didn't push myself because of it. Assuming I was going through something I just chilled in to some 30ish second planks. Is anyone still reading this. This is not very interesting. 

And the month progressed the same way. Hating. Miserable. I actually did feel stronger but I didn't give a rip because somehow the whole thing had gotten in my head. Then I got sick at the end and I still planked because I wanted to fill in ALLLLL my circles dammit. 

Incidentally January happened to be the longest month of my life. I couldn't wait for this self-inflicted torture to end. I still got it done each day - but just barely. One day I planked for like 16 seconds. But I filled in my circle, because technically I. Did. It.  

THEN on the very last day of the month I completely forgot to plank. Which seems peculiar to me - how do you forget that you hate something? Like hate is real. So on Feb 1 I decided to tackle a two minute plank. And you'll be surprised - assuming you are still awake - that I did it. TWO MINUTES. I tricked myself. I put on my head phones and put on Dennis Lloyd's Nevermind. I turned it up real loud and just tried hard to do it. I opened my eyes at 1:43 and I stared at the clock till 2:00  and cursed myself for this horrible challenge, almost threw up, and then I filled in my Jan 31 circle and closed the book on that stupid heinous idea. 

I chose not to take a pic of my Commit30 January Challenge pages because I wrote a bunch of other personal stuff on there. And this blog is personal enough without a photo of my words to myself. 

Here is what I learned. 

1) I should have one rest day each week if I choose a strength challenge. A monthly challenge should be comprehensive - it doesn't mean I have to do something every day for 30 days. It means just have a plan. 

2) I don't like planking. I thought it may be so easy and it could just be part of my daily routine. But we need a break. Forever.

I reflected these things in my planner. I didn't award myself a physical prize because I had never picked something early on and so I decided my reward was that February arrived. 

Stay tuned for February's challenge. It's equally boring. 

Friday, January 4, 2019

Tired Girl Christmas Decorating -

Christmas is not a hobby that I would choose.  Blah blah blah - I'm a Tired Girl. You get it. But because my husband loves Christmas very much and I love him very much, then here I am. 

Let's be clear, I am not passive aggressive to him, but rather openly aggressive about it, but through the years we have both compromised. He has taken his inner Clark Griswold and Tired Girl-ized himself. And I look weirdly pained and happy for about a month. We are both damaged through the process, but it works for us.

I am going to assume there are other people like me, who just need to get through, so I put together my top five Tired Girl tips specifically on decorating for Christmas  and one bonus tip on a straight-up coping mechanism that is not booze and pills.  Yes it's not enough to fake smile for a month, my house has to be transformed into a fucking glorious winter wonderland where all dreams are possible. Cool. *trembling hand reaches for gin and tonic. 

In truth, Joe does all the decorating - because he can not not do it. He can not be contained.  And I take it down, because I am wonderful. But I have bought the bulk of our decor through the years - it's a complicated tangle of love. So for all you Tired Girls out there - here are the best ways to decorate the shit out of your house in the most efficient way possible. 

1) Don't buy breakable stuff -  
When I was younger I would skip through the after Christmas sales piling mercury glass everything into my cart without even a glimmer of strategy of storage or moving or life. I still love my mercury glass that, darn it all, keeps not breaking. But I don't buy anything breakable anymore. When my bestie and I swam with manatees to celebrate our 40th (we know how to live) I skipped over the pretty glass manatee ornament keepsake and grabbed the little felt number that looked like I had hand sewn in it in some kind of forced craft situation. Charming. But not breakable. Toss it on in the ornament bucket bitches and never look back. Sadly it took me years to figure this out. So. Many. Breakables. But since there is no end to Christmases I will still have plenty of years to practice. Yaaayyyyy. 

2) Pick a color -  
Mine is red. When I get the whim to splurge on Christmas decor my eclectic style comes together better when I'm not all over the place with stuff. I streamline in a lot of ways and color is one. I don't need to name colors that would be pretty for decor - you get it - but it's fun to have a bit of cohesiveness. In my case my tree skirt is red and all of our stocking - though v different are all red, tablecloth, my few holiday throw pillows, garland, etc. Red. 

3) Pick a decor thing
One of my fave - non breakable -
modern trees. 
Mine are trees. I love Christmas trees in every shape and pattern. I love the lines of trees. Could be nutcrackers, angels, Santas, elves, snowmen, cottages, poinsettias. I usually treat myself to a new (non-breakable) tree almost each year.  I bought a tree that somehow looked like my old dog Ralphie and I call it my Ralphie tree - its all burlappy and someday I'll glue mini pinecones to it because he loved pinecones...  But I have modern trees, antique trees, trees covered in moss, sequins, a tree made out of candy cane stripes and of course those blasted mercury glass trees that I stinking love.  
The fun thing about this is you can clump them all over the house however you want and it seems to make sense. 12 snowmen on the counter? Sure. But 12 tchotchkes on the counter? Chaos. This lady's thing is round ornaments by the hundreds in jewel colors.

4) Wreaths! 
No matter your color or your theme, wreathes are where its at for Tired Girls. They are typically mostly non-breakable and you can just hang them all over wherever and instant holidays and cohesion. If you pick some (or jooj up plain ones with ribbon and stuff) in your color or theme - you are like so set. Done. Clap dust off hands. 
MY wreath. I love it more than other things. 
Wreaths are especially super for outdoor decor. A pretty wreath on the door and maybe even matching ones somewhere else, like the windows? Holy shit it's good stuff. 
This year right after Christmas I stocked up on some super pretty wreaths that were a million percent off from Michael's and I actually can't wait to put them up next year. But I'll still enjoy the eleven months of freedom that I have until then. 
And one year I bought an overly expensive wreath that I love more than I should. Joe calls it "your wreath" when he goes to hang it up. Next year maybe I'll start a social media campaign with the hashtag #wreathsbitches and we can all show our wreaths. Probably not though. 

5) Be cool
Be so fucking cool (says me who melts down about three times a week during the holiday season). If you don't love Christmas or if you do but you tired, then just be cool about decor. Where things go and how - just go with it. Trust me. Let your kids or husband or your mom or whoever put stuff out, or everyone does it together and its fun and you listen to Christmas music, or you do it at 5 am yourself one Tuesday in December just to get it done  - just whatever. 

One elf working and one dog elf resting. 
My tip for a coping mechanism to get through the holidays, if they aren't your thing: Treat yourself to something that is special to that time of year. Something  you will look forward to each year in the midst of the trauma of the season. 
My three things are: Pulling out my wreath that I love, watching Hallmark Christmas movies that I LOOOOOVE, and eggnog,. 
There are other things I like about the season - and I try to focus on those as well - like the fact that my husband really does love it, getting cards from my friends all over, and New Years Day (my most fave holiday). 
You could have a tradition of some kind just for you. Treat yourself to something (probably not cocaine).   

I also have a Christmas duvet that I love to put on the bed. I have a friend in California who says her house was saved from the 2018 fires because she'd already put Christmas sheets on all the beds.
So Christmas sheets have power.

How do you decorate in a Tired Girl way? How do you treat yourself? 

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