Thank you Hormones

Posted Thursday 6/22/2017
I'm okay. Not like Britney Spears in 2007. But like Britney in 2017. We have both gone to dark places and seen some shit, but we are definitely on the upswing. She is good* and so am I. 

I have rarely hesitated spilling my sad guts here, but I have had pause to share that I am okay without children. And it's because people with children feel sorry for me when I am sad that I don't have any, but as soon as I am okay I can envision the judgment. 

People may think we didn't try hard enough, didn't want it bad enough. We could have adopted a child from the state, we could have gone to Russia, or Ethiopia. Could have fostered. What about surrogacy? If we had REALLY WANTED a child we could have one, some people think. So that means we must be selfish.  We wanted them, but only kind of.  

And without discussing each individual option with people it can't be understood from the outside. I don't feel selfish. I will never be able to explain my actions to anyone that wants to challenge me. Everyone has to forage their own path through reproduction. 

I am plenty judgmental about a lot of things in life, but weirdly not in the realm of child rearing.  You want to hoard babies from China? Great - thank God for you! You want to go into debt with surrogacy? Fabulous - I wanted a baby that looked like my husband too. Abortion? It seems pretty traumatic to carry a baby you really don't want. Keeping a baby you thought want to give up adoption?  I'd want to keep my baby too. All judgment falls away when it comes to the reproductive choices people make. But for some reason I assume people with children don't have that - I don't have proof, it's just something visceral to me. 

There are many reasons I am okay, and the biggest reason is because I don't know what I am missing.  I had Ralphie the dog and now Teddy the dog and they give me a place to put my momness and love. Everyone needs to talk baby talk at some point.

But otherwise I don't know the joy I am missing by not having kids. 

 I don't know what it's like to look at a small version of my husband that I grew in my body and felt kick. I don't know what it's like to be so sleep deprived and still feel a thud of love when a little person clings to me for comfort.

 And those of you with kids don't need to convince me - because the best thing I have going for me is that I don't know.  I can't miss the Porsche I don't have. Or the taller height I don't possess. 

I have filled my life up with other things. Things that probably seem shallow or selfish or lazy to parents, but have meaning to me. I gave this process all I had and I don't have children to show for it. My life feels full and happy and meaningful.  I'm okay.  #thankyouhormones

*Britney's "good" seems slightly more tenuous than mine. But she can comfort herself in millions of dollars, so she's got that going for her. 

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As Joe and I move in to our new house I am forced to analyze all of my belongings for worth. How to pack them, and where to put them in the new place.

As it turns out not all of our possessions are meant for us. There are things I have acquired that are meant for the next generation, for children I do not and will not have. I kept my fourth grade science fair project, Joe and I each have quilts that were made for us as babies, I have my father's christening gown, my wedding bouquet, my wedding dress, photos of Joe's father when he was in the Navy. These things have been kept and lovingly preserved for what? To be handed down.
And as I tuck them here and there in my new house I have to ask: hand them down to whom?
There is no one that we will share these items with. We have nieces we love, but they have their own parents Items. My wedding dress and baby photos carry less weight with them even though they love me.
It is a weird and eerie thought to realize that your life stops with you. Or rather my life stops with me. I will not hand my valued teddy bear down to my children the way my dad did with me. The teddy bear will be in my belongings when someone cleans out my things after my death. OMG, the drama I have created in my head!
And Joe will not hand off his keepsakes to a son that will value them for the story they tell about their father. 
In the end, it's just STUFF. It's just that it' stuff that has to be dealt with.
Give away now? Not yet.
Keep for awhile? Why?
Keep forever. Seems heavy.

To be clear I am not feeling sorry for myself that I do not have children. I am feeling sorry for myself that I have to figure out what to do with the two baby quilts. 
It's just stuff.  People and animals are what really count. 


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Posted Thursday 8/27/15
We have had two friends offer to carry a baby for us. Even writing the words, creates a catch in my throat. 

It wasn't like one drunk night a friend said "Girl! I love being pregs why don't I carry your baby!!!"

It was more, in a quite voice: "I want to do this. Husband is on board.  Checked with my insurance and we are all set. Think about it."

My mind was consumed for weeks after each offer. Trying to arrange the pieces of the infertility puzzle to make this work. The kind of consumed where you drive somewhere and wonder how you got there. 

"Could we really do this?"  Joe and I whispered  to each other when we thought we'd figured out how to make it work. 

"Of course we can."

But we couldn't. 

Not because we would turn down the offer to have people we already love carry something we know we would love. But because science hasn't cooperated to a place where we could even start. 

The fact that we can't or haven't been able to make it work while these biological clocks tick makes no difference. 

The offer was made. 

While I drink gin and my eyes leak with tears  - it's not about my broken uterus -  I cry about the love that envelopes us.

That in the face of something cruddy is something amazing and warm. 

The upside for these two friends is if they ever need a kidney - I am like so there.  Or if they even need someone to help them move (the real test of friendship).

#Thankyouhormones for giving me the chance to know love in so many ways through this process. 

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Posted I don't remember when


As I don’t enjoy most infertility blogs I also have no interest in reading many books on the matter either.  Truly no offense to anyone  as my heart obviously aches for them; I just don’t care to experience it.  

There have been two books though that I have found incredibly helpful.
The first is: “Taking Charge of your Fertility” and frankly I think any woman that wants to be an active participant in their health should read this. It did not help me get pregnant, but still educated me.  Many women recommended this to me for good reason. 

The other book I recommend, enjoy, and use as a continual resource is: Making Babies: A Proven 3-Month Program for Maximum Fertility.  Again, I am not pregnant obviously, but it was a tremendous help in diagnosing many of my conditions and issues and I love the combination of eastern and western medicine. I recommend owning it (after I checked it from the library three times) so it can be a continual resource for you and you can highlight in it, etc.   

Here is the ovulation test kit I recommend (you have to have the happy face).  

And here is the basal body temperature thermometer - don't worry it goes in your mouth - you want one with a backlight.  

AND geez'o pete - something for yourself: lip gloss to make you look like a vixen

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Posted Thursday 3/12/2015
I don't feel like I have  raging hormones anymore so I haven't felt the need to vent. But in reality what I mostly don't have is anger. 

It definitely feels better to not be raw, angry and reeling. And the truth is that I can totally tap in to my deep anger right now - I know where it is in my body and I can feel it - like a growth -  and at the same moment I can also feel myself letting go of it - it just dissolves at the same moment it fires up.
Madea cracks me up and she's right -
there is pretty much always something to be mad about.

This is not something I could ever tell anyone else how to do or even expect that others can - depending on their grief.

Sometimes people ask me "Will you regret not having children?  Will you be okay?"  The answer is that I will regret it and I will be okay and I will also a little bit not be okay and also I can't fix it. So yes to regret, but whatever. It's not fixable.  So fuck it.

Sometimes people ask me. "Have yall definitely decided to not have kids."  And the answer to that is that I have decided nothing. I didn't even decide not to be angry!  I wish I would decide not to be a wealthy blogger that donates tons of money to animal shelters and would just accidentally have that happen too. 

Here is a quote from one of my and Joe's all time favorite books - A Land Remembered by Patrick Smith. I read it to my fourth graders every year and had to have someone read certain parts because I couldn't read it without crying. (I am a crier). 

If you don't know or love these characters this may not mean much, but regardless here it is:

“All I'm trying to tell you is to be strong. Don't ever let nothing get you down. Don't be afraid or ashamed to love, or to grieve when the thing you love is gone. Just don't let it throw you, no matter how much it hurts.”    

Just to lighten the mood

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Posted Thursday 11/20/2014
A few years ago Joe and I were sitting in the lobby at Winnie Palmer waiting for our birthmom's mother to text and tell us we could come upstairs and meet what would be our baby daughter.  

We waited a long time - eight months to be in that spot  - and as the minutes ticked by that day in the hospital, we knew.  

My grieving had started the week or two before, when our attorney told us that our birthmom had changed her birth plan. She had decided she wanted the baby to stay the night in her room instead of the nursery, and she didn't want to be moved off the maternity floor.  

I put on a fairly good show, but the truth was, when I read those words from the attorney, while I was at school surrounded by students; I couldn't breathe.  When I was alone I ugly sobbed in the way where no noise comes out.  I had to wait a few more weeks, going through the motions, to find out what I felt was inevitable.  

Our birth mom changed her mind.  

She kept her own baby, which is understandable for a lot of reasons.

The care we took of her for so long and the lack of care she showed for us was painful, even though her actions were fathomable.

My body remembers that pain as I prepare for Thanksgiving each year.  
My brain remembers the constant and selfless love of my husband, my parents, my in-laws, and my dear friends.

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Posted Thursday 9/18/2014
I could seriously say some shit on Thank you Hormones Thursday.  But as fun as some things are to think, it's less fun to say or write them in any way. Sometimes there is just nothing to say about something that blows. The acute annoyance and discomfort turns to a numbness.

"Do you have kids?"

That's it. No stab of pain, no bracing myself for the follow up, no nothing. I am not proud nor ashamed, nor sad nor thrilled about it - it just is.

Sometimes technology makes me long to
live in Jane Austen days, as long as it was less
like this above stinkiness - 
I have a trillion gallons more annoyance today because I ordered the wrong cord to connect to my phone to my computer, than the fact that my fertility numbers were low and/or high in all the wrong places.

Am I truly more upset about a cord than a lack of ability to have children?  I don't think so. I think the kids thing is worse, but I am used to that and it's just gotten old. The cord thing is new and unbelievably eyeroll inducing. My way old ipod finally died and instead of spending the money to get a new one, I could get something more interesting. So I have been working to figure out how to download my itunes music and newly bought books to my samsung phone.  I can listen to music on my phone while on the treadmill.  I can get ripped on said treadmill and parlay my saved $150 to a gorgeous Trina Turk bikini for my new and improved body and soul. But in the meantime I can't possibly workout without listening to something and the thing standing between me and my whole new buff life is a stupid effing cord and I ordered the wrong one. 

At THIS information I totally melt down and nothing in the world is right. My whackadoodled hormones are helping me to go to a fetal position over a USB cord and not the kid thing.  #thankyouhormones. 

And more sexual tension mixed with dancing.

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Posted Thursday 6/19/2014

Last week I talked with a man about the charter schools he runs in Pinellas County, Florida. As I listened to him describe some of the wonderful programs in his schools I literally thought to myself, "I would love my children to go to these schools. We should get on the waiting list."

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. I don't have children.

I also am not a gold medalist in any sport, but I never forget that fact. My reality never slips into wondering where I should hang the gold medals I don't have.

For many reasons, that don't matter, I apparently see myself as a parent -which blows - because I am not one. 

In a weirdly positive way I think that this forgetfulness is - dare I say - good.  The fact that I forgot that I didn't have kids means that I am not consumed by the idea that I don't.  So the blip in my brain, the disappointment when I remember I don't get to pick out a neat school for kids I don't have, and the calmness I had when it felt okay that I forgot such a big thing is causing my #thankyouhormones tonight. 

I guess it would be worse if I forgot I actually HAD kids.


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Posted Thursday 3/6/2014

no capitalization today - 
we recently got closer to pregnancy than we ever have before. so close i let my self go there.  you know there. i  wondered if it was possible for this maybe child to have blue eyes with the dominant gene of my brown eyes. I watched those dang Proctor and Gamble commercials about moms and the olympics with the idea that could maybe be me. I let myself think of names, because as this would be all OUR child, no one could change their mind at the last minute and not give it to us - so we could actually name it in advance. the most fun thought i had was how i would get to deliver the happy news to my loved ones and friends. i wrote texts in my head and thought of the sheer joy it would bring some of you. i had all these thoughts in like 20 minutes when i was supposed to be concentrating on not getting my hopes up.  oops.

the idea of delivering such happy news for once, was intoxicating for me. i envisioned the love and joy of my friends wrapping around me like a loving tornado with the announcement.

i know so many of you really love joe and me and the upside of this process is the realization of the amount of love that surrounds us.

when we found out that we weren't as close as we thought, the disappointment of a lack of a pregnancy was over powered by the idea that i wouldn't get to write the texts i envisioned.

maybe no babies grow in my wonky and uncooperative uterus but dammit i have people in my life that will cry if i ever get to write those gleeful texts. so thank you for that hormones.  i'll take it. 

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Posted Thursday 1/23/2014
My hormones are raging today in the name of love.  I miss my dog.  He was, for me, my child.  He gave me a place to put my love and my mothering.  I loved to love on him, and he comforted me.  He was my partner during the day and my snuggle bunny in bed when I felt like crap mentally or physically when my fertility was not on my side.   
a face I love

understand that he was not a child; I knew he wouldn't live for ever or even very long. I get that his loss is not like the loss of a child - I want to respect people that have actually lost a child. I have all the stuff in my head on the logic side of this situation - I get it.  My heart only knows that the sweet face that woke me up every morning was, for this childless woman, my baby. I have all the logic that I understand that he did not suffer, and that I can easily adopt another sweet faced snuggle bunny - and I have my heart that doesn't have a place to put my momness and that hourly misses the relationship I had with my baby dog. My dog was my child and I ache for him.  
Not a great pic, but it's us in bed.
Struggling with fertility has made me - I think - a stronger and nicer person - so I am happy to know that I am okay. I understand that this hurt will lessen and my dip or spike in hormones make this feel worse.  But I also know that he was special to me and I am a little bit sadder without him.  

Thank you hormones for this clumsily written and ineloquent (that's not a word is it?) post, you jerks. Bleh.  

Just let me wallow.
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Posted Thursday 12/19/2013
When something has poor odds of being accomplished and someone works hard to accomplish it anyway, they are admired for their determination. There has to be a point though where the odds are against us, we keep trying, and it just gets weird, and sad, and not quite so Chariots of Fire-ish. More awkward than awesome. I feel like I am on this precipice right now - balancing on determined and delusional.  My "fertility numbers" (a simplified term for a mind-numbingly complicated situation) were not so great six years ago when we started and now the numbers are just trash.  I really really really feel like Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber - here is the exchange.: 
So many reasons I don't want to be this guy.

Him: What are my chances?
Her: Not good.
Him: Not good like one out of a hundred?
Her: I'd say more like one out of a million.
Him: (slow big smile) So you're telling me there's a chance. Yeah!

I can process my feelings most the time, and I can shoot myself up with hormones (who I am kidding - Joe has to do it), I can deal with perfectly lovely people giving me ludicrous advice on conceiving, I can foresee my life easily without children, and I can let go of that college tour I want to go on with children I don't have, I can redefine myself and my life often, I can cope with the idea that my parents will never be grandparents, I can look at Joe and learn not to ache with the knowledge I can't give him children, I can breeze through the baby section of any store, but I thought I would know when to stop trying though and when to let go  - and I am not sure that I will know it when I see it.  Determined? Delusional?  
If I get pregnant  in two years it will be acknowledged that I worked hard and didn't give up, and in two years or two weeks or two days I also may cross a threshhold of ickiness - where it just feels wrong that I haven't stopped this. I don't want to be the last to know that my determination has gone sour and has turned delusional.  

After one unproductive month one of my doctors told me a charming (barf) story about another lady who had the same numbers as me (zeros) and after seven (!!!!!!!!!) rounds of IVF she had a baby. I think the lesson was meant for me to get all determined, but it had the way way opposite effect.  What about the woman she didn't mention that tried 12 times and they put a purple star on her file because she just didn't get that this wasn't going to happen for her in this way? What about me who has other interests than beating my head against a wall?  Bleh.

On a side note it's super annoying to me that Justin Bieber's mom looks like she's 15. 

Thank you, I guess, hormones. 

And below is a scene from Tommy Boy where he really should have just stopped. I like when he shrugs off David Spade who is trying to help him.

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Posted Thursday 11/21/2013

There is a famous book called "First You Cry," (it is here if you care to know about it) and it's about dealing with cancer I think.  If I wrote a book it would just be called "I Cry."  There is no first and second step for me when I am emotional.  And I am emotional when I am awake. Thank you hormones.

I. Am. A. Crier.

I cry happy and sad and angry and sad and also sad.  My wacked out hormones
and the loss (I can't even type the real word - not "lost," but the D word) of my dog have made my tears live right on the edge of my eyelids - like just there all the time and if I move my head right they spill out. I am not sad every second of the day at all - I am a perfectly (sort of) functioning (mostly) adult (ish), that is happy (sometimes). 

I could always cry easily - the right Publix commercial and on went the waterworks, but now it's gotten to be a bit much. I think I even do that awful cry-talking to my husband. When my voice goes all deep and wobbly and I am desperately trying not to full on sob, the way I am apparently engineered to do all the time, but instead talk like a human, non-crying, person instead.  

I am working on this (I don't really have a plan), but in the meantime I will say -Thank you hormones. 

I love this and wish I'd made it, but I found it on here instead.  Such clever people that read my mind.

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Posted Thursday 11/7/2013

This is a big topic for me that takes up A LOT of my thoughts, but I will just briefly mention it here. For years I did not consider my legacy and what would be said about me at my funeral or retirement party and what, from me ,would live on, past me. 

Then for a time I assumed that Joe and I would create brilliant and loving children that would be kind to this world in the way we are, and that would be my legacy.

The idea of not having children though has forced me to consider my own legacy – not one I can get credit for from someone else.   Legacy is a word I whisper in the shower, hear in my sleep, see in print everywhere. Legacy. 

The good and bad news is this – I have now considered different things I want to be remembered for and I have taken a look at the big picture of my life. What is my end goal for ME? What can I do to positively affect this world in big and small ways? What will I choose for my legacy? I love to think about this, and regardless of if I have children or not I have taken on an idea for myself that has changed me. So today I truly say thank you hormones.

Being known for drinking from straws
and having way too many cups on my desk is not the legacy I am looking for.

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Posted Thursday 10/17/2013

Sooooo. My #thankyouhormones thoughts lately are not even words - just more gestures - like super aggressive getures that involve middle fingers. There are many injustices in the world and shitty hormone levels that don't produce babies are just one of them.

In the movie "The Help" one character says to another character, “We don’t choose our life; our life chooses us.”

I thought that was a bunch of crap when I first heard it. I believe we make our own destiny, our own success and good luck. It is up to us! Yeah, fist in the air!! But after years of working diligently at fixing my body so I can conceive children I have figured out that sometimes, in some ways, our life does choose us. Booooo.

We can WANT something and work for something and most importantly deserve something all day and it does not mean we get it. And the good news?? (Thank goodness there is good news.) We will be okay. We will have loss and disappointment and our lives will not be what we planned. And we'll put on pretty toe nail polish and be okay (mostly and probably). Thank you hormones. I mean eff you effing jerks that don't do shit for me except make me effing crazy with a broken-out face, and grumpy with my husband, and glare at innocent pregnant teens, and cry when I clean out the fridge, and also feel empty inside and also livid at the same time, you a-holes   - but of course thank you also.

I feel you Kanye - I mean, I am angry for like VERY different reasons. You are mad because you worked hard to be famous and date someone weirdly famous and now you are all mad about it, whereas I am mad because my FSH level is too high.  So yeah, screw you world.

This is an oldy from another post, but sometimes I need to channel my inner Liz and pull myself together.

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Posted Thursday 9/26/2013
Many women my age (35) think their body has started to "go" because ofthe burden of pregnancy, childbearing, breastfeeding and fatigue. I am disappointed to share that though my body has not experienced any of that; I have simply half ignored any regular exercise regimen and my 35-year-old body is letting me know that. We can’t blame it all on babies as it turns out.  Age (and eating cinnamon rolls by the handful) is not helping.  But I will still find fault with hormones - surely they are still at fault in some way. Thank you hormones.

I can't see how these words would ever go wrong.
Also, I am glaring at my hormones this week for causing terrific mood roller coasters -I lash out at perfectly wonderful people and then immediately feel guilty for being unreasonable and in my attempt to make things right I am listening to their completely normal words and they straight out anger me all over again - the guilt and anger converge and the tears show up.  These lovely people can't ignore me though because that just make me more crazed.

Awesome. Thank you hormones.
This 12 seconds says a lot.


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Posted Thursday 8/29/2013

Remember last time when I told you that I was definitively nicer because of my struggle with infertility? Please keep in mind that I am nice when you read this:   Conversations where people I do not know, and are just being friendly ask if we have kids, rarely go well for me. 

This is usually how it goes:

Them:  Do you guys have kids?

Me: No. (and then I smile).

Them:  Oh, you should.  (Then I often get some statement about how much love children bring to the hearts of adults or how I’m not getting younger or something.  So then I have the decision to make – do I tell them we are trying or do I just go with it.) The best thing to say is:

Me:  Yes, we should (and then I smile).  (But I often say, because for some reason I feel like I have to explain or defend or something) - 

Me: Yes, we have been trying for awhile now (and then I smile).

Them:  Oh, well don’t try too hard, don’t think about it.  My sister’s friend tried for eight years and finally gave up, and then do you know what happened?  She got pregnant! So don’t try too hard.

So, my take away from this person that I do not know and who is just being friendly has now informed me  to do something, but don’t try to do it, and if it doesn’t work with me not trying too hard, then give up completely, and then I will get what I want. 

This is good training though for the rest of my life.  Because, people that I do not know and are just being friendly, will apparently give you deeply personal advice on all kinds of things and now I know to be prepared and how to smile when they want to help me.  Thank you hormones for not being so bad today that I didn’t start crying or get violent when this person that does not know me and is just being friendly tried to solve the biggest issues in my life.

Here's how the bottom line:

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Posted Thursday 8/8/2013

I am both decidedly damaged and incredibly improved as a person through this stupid fertility process.

There have been particular failures and disappointments through this process where I have felt a teeny bit of me disappear.  It is tangible to me, and I know the exact moments when parts of my soul were damaged beyond repair. It’s not something I am sad about though, I just know that it happened.  Thankfully it has only been a few times and only little, tiny parts of me were lost.  

More thankfully I feel improved as a human through this process. I am absolutely hands down:

- Nicer

- More sympathetic for others that struggle with almost anything in their life

- Stronger – to my core

- Softer and harder in different places of my brain

- More considerate about people’s feelings in a different and a better way than I was before.

And, most significant to me, I have faced the idea that my life would not be what I planned, and that I wouldn’t get things I wanted or deserved no matter how hard I tried.  I have found peace, and even more wonderful, I have found ideas for my life and for my brain that I didn’t think about before.  

I am changed for the better in all these ways.

I am irreparably damaged and have come out the other end irreparably improved.  Thank you hormones.

My hormones and hermit-mode have not allowed me to come up with a great visual.  It could always be worse though - I could have a poorly drawn head. I think that is unfixable.

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Posted Thursday 7/11/2013

I am not a big fan of babies. I like them fine and luckily I love my friends’ babies, because they belong to my friends, whom I love. I definitely love baby clothes, but none of the other supplies. Babies to me, are quirky little bits of sleep deprivation and potentially interesting people. My goal in getting pregnant is not so I can tote a baby around or talk someone in to sleeping when it is dark out, but instead I want a family. I love my husband very much and the idea that the love and fun and good life that the two of us share could be enjoyed by little ones of us as well, is tempting.

I like the idea of watching a son play in a basketball game or perform in a play. A daughter’s volleyball meet or dance recital. Children (my own) and parents (me and Joe) laying around the living room brainstorming about where to go on vacation that summer, working on a project about Florida wildlife or the book 1984, picking out a new haircut, looking at colleges, helping to choose an internship.

As silly as it sounds I LOVE the family in the tv show“Bob’s Burgers.” I love their “we’re all in this together” dynamic. Those weird children started as babies which is where we have to start, which is why – no offense babies – even though I don’t gush over you – I am working to start there. Thank you hormones.

Not a reason to have kids, but this is cute. source

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Posted sometime
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for six years now. As it turns out, I have endometriosis.

We have tried a lot of things and tried giving up, and attempted adoption as well.   Though we had been against it in the past, we decided last fall, to try IVF (in vitro fertilization) - the most aggressive type of fertility treatment. 

We have not had success with it yet, but it is a long process of trying things and then trying different things, lots of hormone shots, and various treatments and procedures.  

Being a Tired Girl and being a Not-So-Fertile Girl does not mix well. For me, as a Tired Girl, it is a full time job for the months we are actually in treatment and the months we are waiting for treatment to begin again.  I am not great at normal life, let alone jacked up on hormones life.  I spend the little energy I have trying not to become I'm-Going-To-Cry-And-Then-I-Am-Going-To-Get-Mad-About-It Girl.  

More than we want children though we want no regrets. We want to feel like we tried everything we could, and if it's not meant to be we will consider our other options or choose to happily live child-free.  I am excited to move through this part of my life and come out the other end being done with it, no matter the outcome and hopefully not murdering some innocent person in the meantime who unwittingly says the wrong thing to me on the wrong day and I become Rude Girl instead. 

I mostly hate infertility blogs. If the writer is too chipper, too sad, too bitter or too sassy it is annoying to me.  I don’t enjoy reading about any of it and rarely find information that has been helpful or comforting.  I think maybe infertility is generally not a very interesting topic. 

I don’t tweet very often, but I love to write hashtags in my head all day long.  Things like #dinnerfail, #dontwanttodomywork, #targetisdangerous, and #messybuntooneat.  These aren’t clever, I just like the way hashtags  sum up a whole situation.  Lately, after every overly dramatic thought or cry from a song I hear (thanks to my IVF hormones), I hashtag to myself #thankyouhormones.  

So I decided I would occasionally write about this process and just put them in my “thank you hormones” section.  I may not post very often, but when I do I will call them "thank you hormone Thursdays."  I will not post them on the main page, in case, like me, you aren’t that interested.  

I would assume everyone can relate to hormones in some way or another. Either you are lashing out because of them or you are on the receiving end.  

Joe, my husband, immediately goes for the "dangerous" comments on this chart and then quickly gets himself together and switches to "Here is my paycheck."

My favorite is:  "I've always loved you in that robe!" 

I'd HAVE to be  wrecked from hormones to even consider watching "Two and Half Men" in the first place, but that is possible.  I got addicted to the show "Reba" at one point, and there is a Ke$ha song that is so moving, I cry - so hormones are real. 

This true if you have too many hormones in you, or not, frankly.  

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