I want to call this "the best" marriage advice. But, I'll let you qualify it on your own. The words I am going to have to type in this post haunt me. But the overriding value of them is enough to make me do it. The context contributes to the power of this advice. My mom and I were having iced tea in the living room at a friend's house. We stopped by for reasons relating to my upcoming wedding (this was obvi years ago). This friend told me she was going to give me the best unsolicited marriage advice. And then she said this: "Feed him and fuck him." And if I didn't literally spit out iced tea then I emotionally flinched.
The use of the word fuck in such a context aside, the truth is - it's good advice. Yes, I am an adult married woman and I both cook and have sex. And that feels icky to say, but the advice is on point. If you want to wax poetic about this advice we can - it boils down to both meeting another person's most basic needs and at the same time caring for them in a both physical and emotional way. Blah blah blah. I prefer not to personalize this too much - I am comfortable talking about my non-functioning uterus, but my sex life feels too far. If you have to let other things in your life and marriage slide - as we all do - it is understandable. So think hard before either of these two actions become obsolete. I want to hand this sentence to Tired Girls everywhere and you can do with it what you will. Here is a hilarious scene from the movie Annie Hall - they are each asked by therapists if they have sex often - there answer is the same yet different. Ignore the first part about their relationship.
The text version: Each therapist asked "Are you having sex very often?" Him: Hardly ever maybe three times a week. Her: Constantly, I'd say three times a week.
In January I was going to start writing a monthly favorite-things post. But in true Tired Girl style it took awhile longer, though I eventually got to it. So yay for following through - who cares about a timeline.
Tired Girl's Most Favorite Things in May
1. These Target Mossimo Supply Co crewneck tees- if I am not wearing one then they are probably all in the wash and I don't have a shirt on. This is seriously close to all I wear -- and I have like six of the grey ones. Their grey. Not black, not white. Grey. Here's 27 million photos of me in one of these t-shirts. I take selfies only occasionally to document something or other on my face or hair, and no one takes pics of me with my own phone, so I didn't have a lot of options. But I wear these shirts like everyday so I found a few.
Even though I am accosting Teddy in one of these photos, he is laying on me in another one - so it's proof he really does love me and I don't just annoy him.
2. This inexpensive nail polish - Sinful Colors - in Hazard.I can not definitively say it's the best quality - I can't say that it isn't - I just don't know. But I love this color. Sinful Colors in Hazard These are not my hands. I am not a hand model. I rarely paint my nubby fingernails and my toes make an appearance here and there, but they weren't feeling it today. This color makes everything look fun and summery.
Though these aren't my fingers I would obviously cling to this bottle in the same way. Sinful Colors "Hazard 952." Incidentally this color looks amazeballs with the grey shirts I wear everyday. 3. Teddy.Similar sweet nuggets are available at your local rescue/shelter.
Side eye.
4. My new Ikea Hemnes (in black/brown) dresser in my office. This is not a photo of my dresser or office. I don't have cute pics of my new dresser to post yet, but this pic was my inspiration piece; it's from Land of Nod. So really this Land of Nod room is my fave thing right now. I am not even close to exaggerating when I say that I want almost every single dresser that Land of Nods has to offer for "kids" room.
Want
5. The Coldplay and Chainsmokers song - Something Just Like This
My alliance falls more on the side of Coldplay than The Chainsmokers. I wasn't forced to choose - no one demanded to know The Tired Girl's musical review. I just felt like pre-emptively distancing myself from The Chainsmokers. 6. Pesto!!! The recipe I came up with I named: "I know the general ingredients and I'm too tired to wash measuring spoons, so I just threw stuff in!" - Handful of fresh basil leaves - Handful of walnuts (I didn't have any pine nuts) - Smaller handful of shaved parmesan - Some garlic powder (As a Tired Girl I don't love the cleanup of fresh garlic. You can send your complaints about garlic powder and criticisms to tiredgirl.notes@gmail.com) - Some olive oil - Some kosher sea salt - Squeeze of lemon juice - Little bit of pepper I squished it all up in my food processor (yes I got the FP out for this one - that's how obsessed I am with pesto). Then smeared it on almost everything for about a week. My most fave concoction was artisan bread, fresh mozzarella slices, ugly tomato slices and pesto made in to a sandwich and pressed in my panini maker. I ate this for like 13 meals this month and gained two pounds back. I didn't really have boundaries with this one.
This is not my recipe or my food processor. But I felt the need to provide an actual recipe. I have not tried this one but this bloggers recipe was chosen by me because I liked her photos best. See "Simply Recipes" pesto recipe here.
Anyone have something appropriate they would like to share that they are obsessed with this month?
I had a friend in college that had a straight up eating disorder. It wasn't about the food - it was about control. I remember naively thinking with envy that I would never have an eating disorder, because I got too hungry. Control was less important than pizza and gin and tonics and donuts. It was horrible that I was actually sort of a little bit jealous. Shows the fucked up attitudes women have about being skinny. And sadly I may potentially make some bad choices today, if it could get me back to that college weight.
A classic.
Anywhoo I recently diagnosed myself with something I would call "a reason I eat the way I do." I can't say it's a disorder. I'm not trying to shirk responsibility, but also not trying to make this out to something bigger (like my toosh - woot woot!). But as you may know I have gained weight and have been working hard to lose the weight. I was recently reading a very boring and a teeny bit helpful diet book (here) - and I'll paraphrase the quote that got to me. It was about the idea that those of us that like to eat have an inner saboteur. An inner voice that sabotages us. What does this saboteur say to you, when is it the loudest, etc? The author told me to take some time to listen to that inner voice. My first thought was "Pffft I don't have that. I just like the way hamburgers taste. I don't have a weird relationship with food. I'm normal, just hungry." And then pop - like a cartoon - I had a thought bubble right over my head that read: "Life is hard and I deserve to treat myself to something that tastes good. I deserve it."
And it was crystal clear. I did have an inner saboteur and it was the idea: "I feel like crap because (fill in the blank with shitty life things) and I want to eat something yummy - I deserve a treat for what I am going through."
Not kidding.
And that was it. I found my inner saboteur. So now I am working on treating myself to things that are not fattening food. I was considering buying things, but that just replaces one problem with another. (Private note just to Joe: Don't worry). What's too bad is I don't want stuff - it feels weird to reward myself with things! But feels right to push a cinnamon roll in my mouth. I am down 12 pounds which is whole size. I'm at the point in weight loss where I can put my jeans in the drier. So hell yeah. This was prior to understanding my inner saboteur. That jerk. So just watch out now. I have a little bit more to go and then add in the idea of taking my slightly smaller body and creating muscles. So the journey continues, but I am so proud of myself I feel like I deserve a treat.
Any Tired Girls out there want to share what their inner-saboteur says to you? Or any personal journey successes?
I posted this a few years back because if you have something that drastically improves the quality of your life you are obligated to share. It's all about my appreciation and dedication to using a netti pot. I have two new photos to share as I have aesthetically improved my netti pot setup. Back in the day my system lived in the laundry room and no one saw it. But then we downsized, and my house is 1/3 the size so now my netti pot party lives prominently on my kitchen counter. A kitchen that doesn't have a lot of counter space gives prime real estate to this. This new setup is a perfect illustration of a Tired Girl life. I could just put this away and get it out every day but that requires way too much energy and I know I just wouldn't put it away and it would just sit there, so I want it to be pretty. And since I use it everyday I felt justified in the upgrades (though my pieces were all under $10 and I already had the plates and stand. Anyway - here are my new improved pieces complete with links.
Cute ceramic elephant Netti Pot - Here Glass Jar from Marshalls (Similar Here) with Homemade nose rinse (recipe below) A prettier water jug to hold two cups of water from Marshalls (Similar Here) Melamine John Derian plate Target (Similar Here but tons of cute ones on Amazon) Wood plate from Target way back (Similar Here)
A poorly lit and executed photo of the prominence this plays. It also sits on a white cake stand (Similar HERE but there are tons at Marshalls/Homegoods)
Here is my original post about to how to netti pot your life - There was a time I could have named this blog “Sick A Lot and Deeply Tired Girl.” I taught elementary school and I don’t l know if any of you know any children, but those sweet little hands and faces and germs like to be NEAR you as much as possible. I had one sinus infection after the other and would go round after round of antibiotics. Awful.
One thing that has drastically helped me is using a neti pot. I know the words “ewwwww” and “what in the hey is a neti pot” are in some of your minds right now.
In short: a neti pot is a little teapot looking thing that you fill with warm distilled water and a saline/baking powder solution and you pour the mixture into one side of your nose while tilting your head and letting the water come out the other side.
I know the words “ewwwww” and “what in the hey is she talking about” are in some of your minds right now again.
I spent way too much time looking at some how-to videos on youtube to share and none were any I would want to post. So – I made my own to share with you!!! Some fun blogs show you how to do a sideways French twist and I demonstrate a neti pot. I’ve really made something of myself.
Here is my video: don’t judge. **** UPDATE - when my purse was stolen from my innocence, my camera was inside and inside my camera was the charming video of me pouring water through my nose. So instead I settled on this video - I like their attempt at making the neti pot humorous. It's not as wonderful as my video, but life isn't fair.
Here is my recipe for salt solution: equal parts baking soda and non-iodized salt. Shake it up and store in an airtight container.
I totally edited a gin bottle out of the background of this photo. I feel okay about saying it and not about having it in the photo. I give myself a "B' for my editing skills.
I use my neti pot once or twice a day depending on the season and my allergies, etc. I have it all set up in my laundry room, so I can leave it all out.
Just hanging out, waiting to get used.
It is VERY important to use filtered or distilled water for this. This part is non-negotiable. You can also boil your water and let it cool to a warm temp - I use a "hot pot" for this when traveling. I can use hotel tap water, boil and let it cool. My steps:
- I pour 2 cups of filtered water in to my big glass (that's big glass, not big ass - I am a lady afterall) measuring cup. - I heat in the microwave for 1 minute, which is the perfect amount of time for me to create warm and not hot water. - I scoop a 1/2 teaspoon of salt solution in to my pot. - Then pour water on top and stir. - Then stick end of pot into my right nostril, open my mouth (to breathe like a dog) and tilt my head to pour liquid in to my right nostril. - I pour through my nose until the neti pot is empty. - I blow out gently (I just do) and then I repeat the whole process on the other side. I think it feels wonderful - super soothing and I can instantly breathe and think better.
Here is the link to the neti pot I like the best: SinuCleanse. Cheers to an easy and sickness-free allergy season (I am raising my neti pot up to toast you)! Clink. Two more things if you care - 1) Joe got me my first neti pot - for my birthday! One woman's horrible birthday gift is another woman's most appreciated item from a thoughtful spouse. Thanks Joe! Heart. 2) There are SOOOOO many fun "neti pot jokes" on google images. You could spend some serious time looking busy at working getting through them all.
Sometimes you have to be around people that: - don't like you - have been a jerk to you - you have to work with in some way - have dumped you in some way - are involved in some kind of awkward situation, etc.
What we want to say.
I have a simple saying and tactic that works in a plethora of atmospheres. I am not saying this next part to be like " I am so cool, everybody loves me," but when I was young and dating and would get snubbed or broken up with by a guy, I was able to use this strategy. And they would always come back around. I could have entitled this "how to get someone back if they broke up with you," but who wants to get someone back and I would never claim such a theory. But this strategy works in SO MANY different situations. Anyway, here it is. You are friendly to the person, but you are busy. That's it. Here are examples: Hey Mitch, gosh you look great. I thought of you the other day when I saw Groundhog's Day on TV. Ok, well I have to scoot, see you later! Hey Biff! You look great. How are those econ classes treating you? (Blah blah blah they answer). I am sure it's better than you say, you are a whiz at that stuff. Welp, take care, bye! Hey Buffy, Oh my gosh I love your hair cut. It really frames your face. How is your dog Fluffy, he is such a cutie (blah blah blah they answer). Well, great seeing you - I'm sure I'll see you later. Bye! Hey Muffy, Oh I love those shoes! I am obsessed with leopard print anything. Ok, have a great day. Bye! The more I create these examples, the higher pitched my voice gets in my head, and the more valley girl I sound. I am saying things like "byeeeeeee." These encounters could be a tad longer and more genuine as well, but you get the idea. You are not lying or being fake. You are not saying things like "great to see you" (cause you're not) or "I hope you are doing great" (because you don't), etc. You are friendly, but busy. It works. It's important for Tired Girls (and everyone) not to get bogged down in toxicity and drama. Ain't no Tired Girls got time for that. We have things to do, so get the eff out of our way a-hole. Here is another look at dealing with the jerks that inevitably show up in our lives: "How to Get Along with Jerks - Tired Girl Style"
*AND for the record if I am friendly but busy to any of you in real life please don't think I am "friendly but busying" you. I am in general friendly and I pack a lot in to my life so there is a chance I will be in a rush.
Anyone have something similar they do when dealing with certain people?
This guy gets it. Even though in this case we are making ourselves be friendly, it still has the same effect.
I am a big fan of talk therapy. I haven't actually loved all of my past therapists though (once I even left midway through a session, crying, after paying the dude $20 so I didn't have to deal with insurance), but I am always in pursuit of landing that person who is perfect for me. Someone who has just the right number of candles lit in their office to be relaxing and not weird. And just to be clear a therapist is different than a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist gives you prescription medications while you try not to cry in their office. A therapist gives you kleenex while you definitely cry in their office. Both interactions are necessary in my book. Mental health help is tricky in America and because of that I will ALWAYS have a psychiatrist and talk therapist in my world. I will do whatever I need to, to maintain an active patient status. Because trying to get in to either - therapy or psychiatry - feels as difficult as being accepted in to college. If I won the lottery, practically disappeared from society, didn't have a care in the world and was in a mountain chalet somewhere, and my phone pinged to remind me that it had almost been six months since my last psychiatry appointment, then I would scoot my toosh off that mountain and be in my doctors office asap. I am not messing around. So recently I went on the hunt for a new talk therapist, and here are the steps I took: Step One) I happily clicked boxes on the Psychology Today website to choose my perfect therapist: Female, between certain ages, no more than five miles from my home, specializing in these four or five specific areas, accepts new patients, in-network with my insurance, has a nice profile pic (not some haphazard snapshot from her living room), a lovely written description of her therapy style, a soothing and professional sounding voicemail/website or receptionist. Yesss, I was already feeling more therapized just going through this intense screening process. I valued myself that much to take the time to find just the right person. Step Two) I realized I had to get my insurance plan in order - make sure I knew my coverage, etc. Exactly which frigging Florida Blue plan did I have - there are literally like 34 different options just under my type. So, I hunted for my password to my portal account for like two days, because I am very busy and important* and sometimes sleep.
Step Three) Once I cracked the Fort Knox insurance website I tried to decipher what my exact coverage was and finally gave up and texted a trusted co-worker (who has my same plan) about our therapy coverage. Step Four) Realized a few of the therapeutic looking women I picked out may not be "in-network," so I spent some more time on Psychology Today and my own health insurance site, scouring for the right person who would soothe me, have the right mix of letting me cry but not wallow, and give me actual strategies to be a successful human -- all in the same session. And then... nine days later after countless interactions where: -my insurance was not accepted -the therapist was not accepting new patients -the therapist/receptionist was openly rude -I had to be currently admitted to a hospital for mental illness, to be a patient -they could suspiciously get me in THAT DAY ("or tomorrow - I am open!") - Uh, no. -or no return call at all. I was forced to reevaluate.
If I didn't need therapy before I needed it now.
Step Five) My new criteria: Female, bewteen certain ages, no more than five miles from my home, specializing in these four or five specific areas,accepts new patients, in-network with my insurance, has a nice profile pic (not some haphazard snapshot from her living room), a lovely description of her therapy style, a soothing and professional sounding voicemail/website or receptionist. Seems like a relatively ok person. I did eventually find someone that fits this criteria. And I think I cried a little on the phone with the receptionist when we got to the part where we discussed an actual appointment date.
So my tips for Tired Girls are this: -Find your insurance login info and tattoo it on your inner thigh -Cancel the making of home cooked meals, for like two weeks just so you can focus on this task -Be open minded about exactly what the therapist will be like, but don't keep going to someone who is awful. I'll watch a Hallmark movie and feel better rather than spend an hour with someone that is a dick. -Whisper the words "Fuck 'Em" anytime you hear people discuss insurance companies. -Do what seems appropriate to raise awareness about mental health resources in the US. I am a healthy, happy, educated, insured, bright, individual and it felt like I should have had more to show for all my effort here.
-Be proactive - I highly recommend securing a therapist just to have on hand. Because trust me if/when you really need it, it will seem like an unbearable undertaking. You wouldn't only go to the dentist when your teeth are rotting. You go before, so they don't rot.
Okay, I think I am done here. Both exhausted from what my brother would call this Bataan Death March of therapy searching and done with giving out un-requested advice. Good luck out there Tired Girls. Anyone have a tip I am missing? *not important at all
I recently did an armpit detox. And it was as miserable as it sounds. It stunk literally and metaphorically. And I'll get right to it - it didn't work for me. If you want to know more about what I did and how it went, then here you go: First of all, my friend told me that an armpit detox was THE most privileged idea she had ever heard of. So I just want to be clear that I get that. This is like serious first world problem shit. So now that that's out of the way. I used Wellness Mama's plan for her armpit detox. I love Wellness Mama, so don't think I am criticizing that cute little nugget of natural living. I am just saying that somewhere between reading her post and me running back to "real" deodorant - something went wrong. Even taking a peak at her post now makes me think I should give it another try, but then I remember the horror...
So I bought bentonite clay at my local health food store and already had Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar. I waited until January in Florida when it was at least a little cooler (my hope was I would be less sweaty). I also have the advantage of working from home, where I can, at times look practically homeless and it doesn't matter. So slathering goopy wet clay on my pits and cruising around my home half clothed for periods of each day and then not wearing any deodorant ever was totally manageable and frankly pretty on par with other beauty regimens I attempt. So clay and vinegar on pits? Check. The ability to look, feel and smell awful? Check. Soooo, a week or two went by of this. Every day a clay vinegar mask slid around on my pits until it dried and became crumbly and then crumbled all over the place, then a shower to scrub it off, shower floor with bentonite clay residue, NO DEODORANT after shower, the icky feeling of non-deodoranty armpits the rest of the time, the smell of clay and vinegar, the smell of what was surely my armpits "detoxing," and wearing clothes that accommodated my current armpit situation when I did have to leave the house.
This is me, waiting to see what fresh hell comes next in this detox.
I envisioned the little pores of my cubbyholes unclogging with toxic chemicals and little puffs of fresh air coming through them. I would feel and smell like a daisy in no time, right? Right? For the love of God this was working right? I would not get armpit cancer. I would not be dependent on chemicals. I could use talcum powder on my pits like ladies did in the old days. This was going to work.
Definitely didn't forget. But T-Rex arms are accurate description.
And then I realized it was not only not working - it was definitely getting worse. Apparently my armpits really stink when left to their own devices. Unclogged pores did not mean good smelling pores. I still kept at it though!! But eventually I dug out my horrible, chemically deodorant and slathered it all over and felt human again. Maybe I didn't stick with it long enough. Maybe I just needed to get used to the miserable miserable miserable feeling of natural deodorant. I don't want armpit cancer, but I can't live that way. Has anyone else tried an armpit detox and actually feel like admitting it? Is there something I should have done better or different to make it work?
2017 better watch the eff out. This Tired Girl is semi-awake, and semi-angry (always something to get me revved up) and totally focused. I decided to try goal setting this year, and four days in - I like it. So I assume it will continue forever and I will never get tired of feeling this way and therefore 2017 is going to be great.
I decided goal setting seemed right for me while I played a game of solitaire (no judgment people) and realized if I thought about what card I could really use right then, it usually came up in the next couple of deals! Did I have supernatural powers to create the card I needed? No. (What a wasteful superpower that would be). Was I aware of what I wanted and so I knew it when I saw it? Yes! I was waiting for the right card. You get the metaphor right? Boom. So then it was on. After much internet research, I was hooked. So I'll cut to the chase - here are my recs if you are interested in goal setting, Tired Girl style, for 2017. 1) Do a little post-mortem - what worked in 2016 and what did not? What were some of your best moments, choices, investments and what were your worst? Write that shit down. 2) Let 2016 go... Take your biggest disappointments, write it down and burn it. It's done.
I haven't watched the Lord of the Rings movies but I couldn't pass this image up. G'bye 2016.
3) Think hard about three to five serious goals. Think BIG, but also be realistic. There is a sweet spot there. Then write down three to five steps or components to achieving each goal. If it's possible to put some dates by the steps I think that is the way to go. Again, ambitious but not ridiculous. Don't go easy on yourself, but don't set yourself up for failure. Put those milestones on your calendar. 4) Post your goals where you can see them daily and maybe make a vision board. I am making a vision board - I honestly can not believe I have gone this long in life without making one. It's like I was created to have a vision board - I love crap like that. I wrote a poem about them: Vision board vision board, I think I will hoard! 5) Don't be afraid to tweak as the year progresses. I am not saying back off of the goals, just be open to changing things up. The point is to achieve your goals so figure out how that is going to be able to happen. If you aren't going to lose 30 pounds in three weeks don't chuck the whole thing - just change your final date up. See what's working and how that can continue. I have a lot more to say about this topic, because it is my NEW FAVORITE SUBJECT. Be aware if you run in to me at Publix I may ask you what your goals are for this year just because I am interested in goals all around. But I will wrap this up.
I feel like the awkward son from the new Vacation movie with his dream journal, wish journal, poetry journal, etc.
If you are still here, I will share generally what my goals are for the year. I read that the more you write and say your goals out loud the more likely you are to achieve them.
Goal 1 - Has to do with weight loss. I am down about nine pounds from September and want to keep going to get back to fitting in to the majority of the clothes in my closet. I have a plan to do this. Goal 2 - Has to do with editing the novel I finished writing last year. Goal 3 - Has to do with finishing my Tired Girl Cookbook Goal 4 - Has to do with getting my home organized. I am excited about my goals because I feel like I can accomplish them if I focus and I am excited to enjoy them once they are accomplished. If you would like to share your goals with me I would love to read them. You can comment or email me at tiredgirl.notes@gmail.com. Happy New Year Tired Girls!
