Wednesday, October 8, 2014

6 steps to being new anywhere -

I work from home and I have no children. So when Joe and I moved to a new city this summer I knew I would have to work hard to meet people and connect to my new place. I would have to take off the pj's, put on makeup, wear real clothes, head out in to the world, and talk to actual humans.
This is not me.

Just to be clear, the term "pj's"is an umbrella word to mean "all clothes comfy and not appropriate for the public."  I don't actually wear pj's all day. Since I walk Teddy the dog 27 times a day I wear walking type clothes most of the time.  Just wanted you to know that.

I moved to a new city about every two years growing up thanks to my dad's job with Westin Hotels. So I've done this before.

Here are a few Tired Girl tips for being new, making friends, surviving, and thriving (ish).

1) People don't come to you - you have to go to them.
That's just true about life in general. People won't just be so thrilled that you are new to the neighborhood, school, work, gym, etc. that they flock to you and ask you to lunch. But if you are new at a workplace, for example, make friends with anyone sitting at a desk, go to other teachers rooms and say hey, sign up for the Christmas party committee, send a friendly email to new co-workers.

2) Say yes.
When invited to do something - go to lunch, go to a party, go for a drink with the gang, whatever - say yes if possible. You may not like the exact person that is asking you, but it gets you out in to the world. I do like you though Cindy and Ghada. You can always politely distance yourself from some weirdo later, if needed. This is different from a date - don't say yes to any romantic type situation that comes your way for goodness sakes - that's a whole other issue, but just say yes to friend/work/neighbor/kids friends invites.

3) Be cool. 
Don't say yes too loudly, don't go to people too aggressively. Don't freak people out. Don't tell people you are "new" - ewww - no wants to feel responsible for you. Don't be a hanger-on. Don't be needy. Bleh.

4) Join a bunch of groups/clubs. 
You won't like all of them and you will probably only really enjoy one or two of them, and in those two you'll meet one or two nice people and will go from there. You can politely distance yourself from groups you don't enjoy later. 

5) Take comfort in the usual.
Make your family's favorite meal, watch your usual TV shows (Seinfeld and Friends episodes make me feel instantly at home wherever I am), put some of your favorite and comforting things around you. I had the same wallpaper on my computer for years. As soon as the photo popped up on my computer at my new job, I knew I was good. 
Crooked, blurry and orange - this photo was home for me whatever job I had.
It is Joe and me in Eleuthra, Bahamas - long time ago. 

6)  Get ready for the plateau.
When you are first new somewhere it is pretty exciting. Even if it's scary or miserable, it's definitely exciting - adventurous even.  But in a few months the newness/excitement wears off, but the comfiness hasn't set in yet. You still aren't real close with anyone, you still don't quite know where you are going, etc. It's the moving plateau. It can sneak up on you and it can suck. It's okay - it's temporary.
This is Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice on a plateau in the opening credits.
I pretend it's me sometimes. Mr. Darcy will be played by Joe.


  1. Hi Carrie! So fun finding your blog through your Facebook post about your new shoes! Love this!!


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