Sunday, June 30, 2013

Infertility - "Thank-you-Hormones"

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for six years now. As it turns out, I have endometriosis.

We have tried a lot of things and tried giving up, and attempted adoption as well.   Though we had been against it in the past, we decided last fall, to try IVF (in vitro fertilization) - the most aggressive type of fertility treatment. 

We have not had success with it yet, but it is a long process of trying things and then trying different things, lots of hormone shots, and various treatments and procedures.  

Being a Tired Girl and being a Not-So-Fertile Girl does not mix well. For me, as a Tired Girl, it is a full time job for the months we are actually in treatment and the months we are waiting for treatment to begin again.  I am not great at normal life, let alone jacked up on hormones life.  I spend the little energy I have trying not to become I'm-Going-To-Cry-And-Then-I-Am-Going-To-Get-Mad-About-It Girl.  

More than we want children though we want no regrets. We want to feel like we tried everything we could, and if it's not meant to be we will consider our other options or choose to happily live child-free.  I am excited to move through this part of my life and come out the other end being done with it, no matter the outcome and hopefully not murdering some innocent person in the meantime who unwittingly says the wrong thing to me on the wrong day and I become Rude Girl instead. 

I mostly hate infertility blogs. If the writer is too chipper, too sad, too bitter or too sassy it is annoying to me.  I don’t enjoy reading about any of it and rarely find information that has been helpful or comforting.  I think maybe infertility is generally not a very interesting topic. 

I don’t tweet very often, but I love to write hashtags in my head all day long.  Things like #dinnerfail, #dontwanttodomywork, #targetisdangerous, and #messybuntooneat.  These aren’t clever, I just like the way hashtags  sum up a whole situation.  Lately, after every overly dramatic thought or cry from a song I hear (thanks to my IVF hormones), I hashtag to myself #thankyouhormones.  

So I decided I would occasionally write about this process and just put them in my “thank you hormones” section.  I may not post very often, but when I do I will call them "thank you hormone Thursdays."  I will not post them on the main page, in case, like me, you aren’t that interested.  

I would assume everyone can relate to hormones in some way or another. Either you are lashing out because of them or you are on the receiving end.  

Joe, my husband, immediately goes for the "dangerous" comments on this chart and then quickly gets himself together and switches to "Here is my paycheck."

My favorite is:  "I've always loved you in that robe!" 

I'd HAVE to be  wrecked from hormones to even consider watching "Two and Half Men" in the first place, but that is possible.  I got addicted to the show "Reba" at one point, and there is a Ke$ha song that is so moving, I cry - so hormones are real. 

This is true if you have too many hormones in you, or not, frankly.  

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