Sunday, October 13, 2013

Being somebody you are not -

When I was in college my friend Lacey and I were planning a night out with some friends, which included boys that were totally interesting to us.  In our typical over analysis of ourselves I declared I wanted to be more "intriguing" and she wanted to be more "outgoing." So we decided to spend that evening trying to be those things. I would not shout my opinions at anyone that would listen, like usual - to instead increase "intrigue" - I had plenty of mystery in me, I just needed to try it. And she was not going to let the other person do all the talking and instead really put herself out there in a more "outgoing" way. She is brilliant, and well-read, and so funny, and wonderful so there wasn't a lack of things for her to contribute - she just had to say it.
The result was predictable to probably everyone but us - we were stinking miserable. I worked all evening not to explode with my thoughts  and keep up the intrigue, and she looked like she'd been pushed out on to a stage with no routine planned.

After that boondoggle of an evening we decided we were who we were, for better or worse, and frankly we wanted a boy that wanted us for us.  Thankfully we both have that now.

This card hangs in my office and seriously gets my
butt in gear every time I read it, which is almost everyday.
The truth is I would love to be a Senator, or a professor, or run a successful company, but I also want to work from my home and wear pajamas and sew poorly constructed gifts for my loved ones, and write happy and vaguely unprofessional emails to my friends.  It's tough to be a Senator if Uggs are your chosen footwear I would guess.

This may sound totally shitty to a lot of you - so I am sorry in advance.  But sometimes we are who we are.  And even though I work to be better at who I am all the time there is a point where I may not ever be certain things.

Being a good and responsible person is a necessity - no free passes on that, and that is not what I mean in this instance.  None of this - "I am not good at not saving any money so I will just buy whatever I want - he he he," crap.

Not a great Senatorial campaign platform.
However, there is a real solid chance that I may never be Senator Alexander from the great state of Florida and co-chair of the Environment and Public Works committee.  

And I am definitely keeping my options open, but it's also not bad that I know that I like to get in bed early and I like to be with my family a lot and I would get nervous if I was interviewed on TV about why I voted a certain way for something and I would make some kooky joke, because I am a tad informal and I'm pretty sure no one is looking for a quirky, highly emotional, sleepy, creative Senator. "New Girl" as a Senator?  Probably not. 

This is my own - long winded of course - version of this same idea. 

OH!  One last thought.  Jackie Kennedy painted her whole life and every year she painted her mom a picture and every year her mom replaced the previous year's painting with the new one and hung it lovingly inside her clothes closet.  Has anyone ever been to an art exhibit of Jackie Kennedy's art work? Nope.  Buts she painted anyway, not to become a famous artist, but just for the joy.

So, just to wrap this up - It's good for us Tired Girls to WANT big things in life, but it's also good to work with what we got.  Lacey and I, back in the day, worked with what he had and had a perfectly great college experience. I wasn't very intriguing, but whatever.

Any semi-dreams you have realized, lately, aren't for you?  What a question.

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