Wednesday, April 1, 2015

How to be charming -

Having charm is a wonderful quality and I believe it can be learned, or at least tweaked. 

Quick disclaimer: I taught Creative Photography to high school students. I know the "rules" for creating good photographs. I can critique photographs and edit them and help others take great photos. I can NOT create my own great photos.  I am not a good photographer - I don't have the certain something needed. My skills lie elsewhere (I hope).

So that being said I can tell you HOW to be charming, but it doesn't mean it will automatically work.  It is simple though:

 Helen Gurley Brown talks about
being charming in Sex and the Single Girl.
1) Make it all about the other person.  Your remarks, questions, stories - etc - it's all about THEM.

Example:  I just finished the book, "Outlander," and you would love it - don't you like time travel stories?

Example: I just finished the book, "Outlander," and you would love it - aren't you a history buff?

Example: I just started reading the book "Outlander,"  do you like to read fiction, or non-fiction?

There are three ways to share information about yourself, but you have made the idea really about the other person.  As long as lots of your comments are in relation to the other person - you are on the right track.  

2)  Either genuinely care how the person is answering your questions - OR be a great faker. I prefer to actually care.  
I know someone that asks a hurried and nosy question, and then their eyes dart up and over my head looking around for who else to talk to.  They make me feel immediately small and unimportant. And kind of stupid.  I avoid them at events.

I recently* went to an event* where I talked to a guy* and almost panicked at first being "stuck" with someone that seemed to be a little crazy. But I settled in and kept asking questions of him and lo and behold I learned some actually FANTASTIC information - that was super helpful.  And he* is now a friend.*

So relax and listen to what people say.  They can tell you are listening to THEM and that feels awesome. 

3) Charming people laugh at themselves. They don't take themselves too seriously; they are self-depricating; they are "real."  
However you want to say it.  People like that are easy and fun to be with.  

So, that's it!! 

One of the things that is said about people that are charming is that: "They make me feel like the only person in the world."  And this is why - because they make the world revolve around you!   
I bet Bendeict Cumberbatch is pre-tty charming.
* I may have changed up the details here to protect identities. 

One of my seriously top two favorite non-fiction books ever is  Sex and the Single Girlby Helen Gurley Brown.  I love all her work - except Cosmopolitan - I never got in to that magazine. And not all of her advice is wonderful - whose is?   But Sex and the Single Girl and Having it All are great reads. You would love it! (Ha!)

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