How to Find a Therapist -

I am a big fan of talk therapy. I haven't actually loved all of my past therapists though (once I even left midway through a session, crying, after paying the dude $20 so I didn't have to deal with insurance), but I am always in pursuit of landing that person who is perfect for me. Someone who has just the right number of candles lit in their office to be relaxing and not weird. 

And just to be clear a therapist is different than a psychiatrist.  A psychiatrist gives you prescription medications  while you try not to cry in their office.  A therapist gives you kleenex while you definitely cry in their office. Both interactions are necessary in my book. 

Mental health help is tricky in America and because of that I will ALWAYS have a psychiatrist and talk therapist in my world. I will do whatever I need to, to maintain an active patient status. Because trying to get in to either - therapy or psychiatry - feels as difficult as being accepted in to college. 
If I won the lottery, practically disappeared from society, didn't have a care in the world and was in a mountain chalet somewhere,  and my phone pinged to remind me that it had almost been six months since my last psychiatry appointment, then I would scoot my toosh off that mountain and be in my doctors office asap. I am not messing around. 
So recently I went on the hunt for a  new talk therapist, and here are the steps I took:

Step One) I happily clicked boxes on the Psychology Today website to choose my perfect therapist: Female, between certain ages, no more than five miles from my home, specializing in these four or five specific areas, accepts new patients,  in-network with my insurance, has a nice profile pic (not some haphazard snapshot from her living room), a lovely written description of her therapy style, a soothing and professional sounding voicemail/website or receptionist. 

Yesss, I was already feeling more therapized just going through this intense screening process. I valued myself that much to take the time to find just the right person. 

Step Two) I realized I had to get my insurance plan in order - make sure I knew my coverage, etc. Exactly which frigging Florida Blue plan did I have - there are literally like 34 different options just under my type. So, I hunted for my password to my portal account for like two days, because I am very busy and important* and sometimes sleep.  

Step Three) Once I cracked the Fort Knox insurance website I tried to decipher what my exact coverage was and finally gave up and texted a trusted co-worker (who has my same plan) about our therapy coverage. 

Step Four) Realized a few of the therapeutic looking women I picked out may not be "in-network," so I spent some more time on Psychology Today and my own health insurance site, scouring for the right person who would soothe me, have the right mix of letting me cry but not wallow, and give me actual strategies to be a successful human -- all in the same session. 

And then... nine days later after countless interactions where:
 -my insurance was not accepted
-the therapist was not accepting new patients
-the therapist/receptionist was openly rude 
-I had to be currently admitted to a hospital for mental illness, to be a patient
-they could suspiciously get me in THAT DAY ("or tomorrow - I am open!") - Uh, no. 
-or no return call at all. 

I was forced to reevaluate.   

If I didn't need therapy before I needed it now.

Step Five) My new criteria:
Female, bewteen certain ages, no more than five miles from my home, specializing in these four or five specific areas, accepts new patients,  in-network with my insurance, has a nice profile pic (not some haphazard snapshot from her living room), a lovely description of her therapy style, a soothing and professional sounding voicemail/website or receptionist.  Seems like a relatively ok person.

I did eventually find someone that fits this criteria. And I think I cried a little on the phone with the receptionist when we  got to the part where we discussed an actual appointment date. 

So my tips for Tired Girls are this:
-Find your insurance login info and tattoo it on your inner thigh
-Cancel the making of home cooked meals, for like two weeks just so you can focus on this task
-Be open minded about exactly what the therapist will be like, but don't keep going to someone who is awful. I'll watch a Hallmark movie and feel better rather than spend an hour with someone that is a dick.
-Whisper the words "Fuck 'Em" anytime you hear people discuss insurance companies. 
-Do what seems appropriate to raise awareness about mental health resources in the US. I am a healthy, happy, educated, insured, bright, individual and it felt like I should have had more to show for all my effort here. 

-Be proactive - I highly recommend securing a therapist just to have on hand. Because trust me if/when you really need it, it will seem like an unbearable undertaking. You wouldn't only go to the dentist when your teeth are rotting. You go before, so they don't rot. 

Okay, I think I am done here. Both exhausted from what my brother would call this Bataan Death March of therapy searching and done with giving out un-requested advice. Good luck out there Tired Girls. 

Anyone have a tip I am missing? 

*not important at all

Armpit Detox Review -

I recently did an armpit detox. And it was as miserable as it sounds. It stunk literally and metaphorically. And I'll get right to it - it didn't work for me.

If you want to know more about what I did and how it went, then here you go:

First of all, my friend told me that an armpit detox was THE most privileged idea she had ever heard of. So I just want to be clear that I get that. This is like serious first world problem shit. 

So now that that's out of the way. I used Wellness Mama's plan for her armpit detox. I love Wellness Mama, so don't think I am criticizing that cute little nugget of natural living. I am just saying that somewhere between reading her post and me running back to "real" deodorant - something went wrong. Even taking a peak at her post now makes me think I should give it another try, but then I remember the horror...

So I bought bentonite clay at my local health food store and already had Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar. I waited until January in Florida when it was at least a little cooler (my hope was I would be less sweaty). I also have the advantage of working from home, where I can, at times look practically homeless and it doesn't matter. So slathering goopy wet clay on my pits and cruising around my home half clothed for periods of each day and then not wearing any deodorant ever was totally manageable and frankly pretty on par with other beauty regimens I attempt. 

So clay and vinegar on pits? Check. The ability to look, feel and smell awful? Check. 

Soooo, a week or two went by of this. Every day a clay vinegar mask slid around on my pits until it dried and became crumbly and then crumbled all over the place, then a shower to scrub it off, shower floor with bentonite clay residue, NO DEODORANT after shower, the icky feeling of non-deodoranty armpits the rest of the time, the smell of clay and vinegar, the smell of what was surely my armpits "detoxing," and wearing clothes that accommodated my current armpit situation when I did have to leave the house. 

This is me, waiting to see what fresh hell comes next in this detox.

I envisioned the little pores of my cubbyholes unclogging with toxic chemicals and little puffs of fresh air coming through them. I would feel and smell like a daisy in no time, right? Right? For the love of God this was working right? I would not get armpit cancer. I would not be dependent on chemicals. I could use talcum powder on my pits like ladies did in the old days. This was going to work. 

Definitely didn't forget.
But T-Rex arms are accurate description.

And then I realized it was not only not working - it was definitely getting worse. Apparently my armpits really stink when left to their own devices.  Unclogged pores did not mean good smelling pores. I still kept at it though!!  But eventually I dug out my horrible, chemically deodorant and slathered it all over and felt human again. Maybe I didn't stick with it long enough. Maybe I just needed to get used to the miserable miserable miserable feeling of natural deodorant. I don't want armpit cancer, but I can't live that way. 

Has anyone else tried an armpit detox and actually feel like admitting it? Is there something I should have done better or different to make it work? 

Goal Setting for Tired Girls

2017 better watch the eff out. This Tired Girl is semi-awake, and semi-angry (always something to get me revved up) and totally focused. I decided to try goal setting this year, and four days in - I like it. So I assume it will continue forever and I will never get tired of feeling this way and therefore 2017 is going to be great.

From Shining Academy

I decided goal setting seemed right for me while I played a game of solitaire (no judgment people) and realized if I thought about what card I could really use right then, it usually came up in the next couple of deals! Did I have supernatural powers to create the card I needed? No. (What a wasteful superpower that would be). 

 Was I aware of what I wanted and so I knew it when I saw it? Yes! I was waiting for the right card. You get the metaphor right? Boom.  So then it was on.  

After much internet research, I was hooked. So I'll cut to the chase - here are my recs if you are interested in goal setting, Tired Girl style, for 2017.  

1) Do a little post-mortem - what worked in 2016 and what did not? What were some of your best moments, choices, investments and what were your worst? Write that shit down. 

2) Let 2016 go... Take your biggest disappointments, write it down and burn it.  It's done. 

I haven't watched the Lord of the Rings movies but I couldn't pass this image up.
G'bye 2016. 

3) Think hard about three to five serious goals. Think BIG, but also be realistic. There is a sweet spot there. Then write down three to five steps or components to achieving each goal.  If it's possible to put some dates by the steps I think that is the way to go. Again, ambitious but not ridiculous. Don't go easy on yourself, but don't set yourself up for failure. Put those milestones on your calendar.

4) Post your goals where you can see them daily and maybe make a vision board. I am making a vision board - I honestly can not believe I have gone this long in life without making one. It's like I was created to have a vision board - I love crap like that.  I wrote a poem about them: 
Vision board vision board, I think I will hoard! 

5) Don't be afraid to tweak as the year progresses. I am not saying back off of the goals, just be open to changing things up. The point is to achieve your goals so figure out how that is going to be able to happen.  If you aren't going to lose 30 pounds in three weeks don't chuck the whole thing - just change your final date up. See what's working and how that can continue. 

I have a lot more to say about this topic, because it is my NEW FAVORITE SUBJECT. Be aware if you run in to me at Publix I may ask you what your goals are for this year just because I am interested in goals all around. But I will wrap this up. 

My Goal Setting Planner

I did look at LOTS of goal setting planners on Amazon and after much thought I chose this one based on my goals for the year. 

Your Best Year 2017: Productivity Workbook and Creative Business Planner

But here is another I considered.

Conquer Your Year: The Ultimate Planner to Get More Done, Grow Your Business, and Achieve Your Dreams

My friend, Tired Girl Jamie, chose this Goal Setting Journal: 2017 My Shining Year!

My planner from Michaels

There are tons on Amazon and many based on your goals, like blogging, entrepreneurship, getting healthy, spirituality, etc. 

I also bought a planner for the first time in a while. I chose the "Creative Year Black Marble 2017 Spiral by Recollections." All the planners are currently 50% off at Michaels.  And I always have a spiral notebook going. 

I feel like the awkward son from the new Vacation movie with his
dream journal, wish journal,  poetry journal, etc. 

If you are still here, I will share generally what my goals are for the year. I read that the more you write and say your goals out loud the more likely you are to achieve them.












Goal 1 - Has to do with weight loss. I am down about nine pounds from September and want to keep going to get back to fitting in to the majority of the clothes in my closet. I have a plan to do this. 

Goal 2 - Has to do with editing the novel I finished writing last year.

Goal 3 - Has to do with finishing my Tired Girl Cookbook

Goal 4 - Has to do with getting my home organized. 

I am excited about my goals because I feel like I can accomplish them if I focus and I am excited to enjoy them once they are accomplished. If you would like to share your goals with me I would love to read them. You can comment or email me at tiredgirl.notes@gmail.com.

Happy New Year Tired Girls!

Sexism -

I struggle with sexism. Some of you have already stopped reading this (which means you really struggle with it).  
Just like the post I wrote about not telling people you are angry - no one wants to hear about sexism. Which I find, sexist.  From the subtle (and not so subtle) sexualization of women, to the vague comments that not so much undermine women, but rather give undue credit to men in the same situation, to the well known double standard of words that do not have male versions - slut and bitch for example. 
I don't care about the word bitch or slut frankly - I use them liberally. But I care that they don't exist for men.

Men and women are both guilty of all of it. Sheryl Sanberg talks about her own unwitting sexism in her book Lean In (which I LOVE).  SOMETIMES women are even worse than men. 

Once I hear a sound I can't un-hear it. And I can not un-hear the many ways daily that I witness and experience sexism. Only recently has it gotten my attention in the way it has, and because of this I am also forced to realize how little anyone wants to hear about it or notice as well. 

New Girl may be my Spirit Animal

But I don't care. As I strive for the Good Life it means I get to stand up for the things I think are important. Whether that is having a pretty soap dispenser or saying the word fuck or swooning over a purse or blogging about the idea that women should be listened to and not just looked at. 

I get the rules. I know that women that are more palatable, get more done. I can't change that here and now, and frankly I choose to play by a lot of the rules so I can get things done in my life. 
But it doesn't mean I don't notice and don't care - because I do and I do. 

I don't have a solution (obvi - if I did I'd be big time), but I'm watching you sexism. I've got my eyes on you. I let a lot of things in life go and you are not one of them.
As usual I deal with this topic with humor. 

I might do this, but I don't like it! The first step is admitting I have a problem.

I can't verify she said this. Just because its written next to her face. But I do like this. 

If you want one more nugget about this:
I recently came across a "woman's leadership conference" that had THE MOST HEINOUS titled breakout sessions. 
"Matching your shoes to your purse! Ways to Keep your Thoughts and Actions in Line" Or some crap - like just awful. Or like: 
"Spa Day! How to relax AND get things done!"  Or:
"Great Shoes Equal Great Strides" Gag.

As if women wouldn't just want to hear about these topics without such horribly condescending titles. Anywhoooo.

Whats your most favorite sexist thing?  Listening to men talk about women's uterus's? Hearing some sweet guy say something unbelievable sexist when you know he doesn't even have a clue.  

BB Cream Review -

The short version is this: I did a bunch of research about BB creams. I chose the Lumene Bright Now Vitamin C BB Cream SPF 20 in Light. I love it. It looks natural, but makes me look more finished. I order two at a time from Amazon.

This is the review from someone else's blog that sold me - read it HERE.

This stuff.

Here is why BB cream could be a good fit for Tired Girls:
1) It is literally one less step - no moisturizer and then makeup - it's just the ONE.
2) you can kind of slather and smoosh it around and somehow it works and blends in and requires minimal exuberance.

So right now you are either thinking - "This stuff only saves one lousy step? Who the hell can't handle moisturizer AND makeup?"
 Or you are thinking "One whole less thing I have to do? Sold." 
If you are the former then you may be in the wrong spot. 

The thing about the BB cream I found though is:
1) It really looks good - better than my other base/foundation makeup.


So steps, expense, availability and slather-ness aside, it really works. 

If you want more to the story or are bored somewhere, here you go:
A few years ago the Lancome base makeup I used was starting to run out. Are you bored already? Me too. I kept buying it not because I necessarily loved it, but it was easier than finding something new. 

But then I got the idea that since I someday I want a beach house I should save money right away and try a drugstore brand of makeup. After much research (like way too much) and much squinting at options in Target, I finally picked something.  

The first day I wore it, I looked up at Joe when he got home that night, and the first thing he literally said to me was "Oh my God, are you okay?  Are you sick?"  

So that stuff went in the trash. 

Undeterred to find something that made me look awesome (and not, ummm, ill)  and would contribute to my beach cottage fund. I started researching BB cream. I had heard a few tepid reviews and Tired Girl Robin gave it a "Meh" when I asked if she'd tried any.

Now that you are double bored I am at the point. I found the lady's review (I posted above) on the internet, tried it the cream she recommended and have never looked back. 

27 million years ago when I considered writing about this topic I asked for opinions on BB cream. And some of you Tired Girls responded (unlike me who would have wanted to help you but wouldn't get around to writing you about my experience). I took a screenshot of all the comments, blurred out names and photos and saved the images.  Somewhere along the line I have misplaced those images. They are on a thumb drive somewhere with other great images of blog posts I plan to write. So thanks in general - you know who you were - who gave me your insight on BB cream way back when.

Any one out there try the Lumene BB Cream? I got a free sample of the CC Cream. It is more coverage which isn't bad, but because of the lightness of the color makes me look a little ghost-like. 

Anyone have any strong opinions on BB Cream in general?

Office tour -

My husband and I have lived in our current house for about two years.  It is a true mid-century modern, for any of you that may be in to architecture. 

We rent it (which I guess is goodsince the roof leaks occasionally), but leaks aside we love love love this place! We think it's pretty, and Teddy loves the yard. Plus, there are no roaches in this old house, under big trees. I think we have had like three in our two years, which if you live in Florida you know is a real accomplishment. 

As a Tired Girl I love to scroll through images of people's well appointed homes on Pinterest. So today I am sharing photos of my whacky office/ workout room/ laundry room/ Joe's office/ garage/ craft room/ pantry. That's a lot of /'s.  

It's important to note that THIS room is not well appointed though. It has an extra fridge in it. It also houses shelves with our food. It is literally our pantry, so nothing to brag about here people. 

But it is also fun to look at people's less well done homes too - just fun to nose around. If someone else's room is quirky, it makes me feel about good my little place. If someone else's room looks heinous, then I feel better than someone else. So lots of options for your feelings here. 
I did a tour of my office in our previous house. It was super boring as that room was just three things - office, craft room, and extra guest room. Yawn. Where's the fridge you may ask when you look at this one. Actually I stinking loved that office too. You can see it here.  In that post I discuss my greater philosophy about why I would take photos of my house and post them. 

So, here we go. 

Joe's area is on the left, and food pantry on the right welcomes you in! If all the blinds worked I would have them all raised up. But they don't and since we rent, down they stay. 

Just like my old office - I have crammed a lot in to this place ( I think it's symbolic of my life - I like to squeeze a lot in). The glass ceiling is one of my favorite parts, even though it gets hot as crap in here starting around 1:15 every day in the spring/summer. The squirrels thump around above me and when it rains hard I can't hear my meeting. But nothing beats natural light to feel connected to the world.

A tidy version of my desk. It looks like this every couple of weeks and then a few hours in, it gets away from me. The window  in front of it would look into another room of our house. But I keep those blinds down in there, and have this glass wall as a bulletin board.  This is my same desk that my dad made me as a craft table years ago. I heart it.

This is my desk on one of the messiest days ever. I took this shot to show the other extreme. There may or may not be slippers  ON my desk.

This is not an accurate depiction of my situation, but I like it nonetheless. 

And finally our extra fridge.  Yes we are only two people, why should we require another whole fridge? It's complicated, and it involves our generous friends always bringing lots of interesting beer over, every time they come. So what could be used to prep and house extra food is really just a beer fridge. I am looking at you David and Pat. 

This may be the worst photo so far. My treadmill flanks the laundry room door, then shelves of craft stuff, canned goods and my work laptop. I am sure some of you are pretty nervous looking at all of this. 

This is my laundry room that is about 12 feet from my desk. Nothing says professionalism like the sound of my washer draining. I like it though - clean laundry is one of my fave smells. You'd think with my laundry so close I'd be better at it. 

I'm really in to quality laundry rooms. It's a thing. I love this one because of the big sink. 

This is Joe's area. If you have ever worked with Joe you will know that his desk has been drastically neatened up for this photo, and in reality it would never look like this. If you dumped a box of papers on top of all of this it wold feel better to him.

Here is a close-up of some of his stuff.

Teddy is always my favorite part of any room.

I would seriously love to see any of yall's offices or catch-all room. You can attach to a comment or Facebook post.  Do it. 

Summer shoes -

My feet are not my best feature, on their best day. And on their worst day (feet have bad days after all) I want to cover them up. Blah blah blah I'll cut to the chase. 
I need summer flats. 

If you live anywhere where it isn't sweltering most of the year you probably think the idea of "summer flats" is dumb. But when the heat index and humidity align your surroundings with the inside of your oven, ever scrap of clothing is examined for its worth. Shoes included. 

I haven't been able to pull off ankle boots in any season, so maybe I am just jealous, but a cute sundress and leather ankle boots in Florida for a majority of the year just seems -- reckless. 

Flip flops and open-toed sandals are the way to go for me. But for the few times  I need something that covers up large portions of my feet - I need to be able breathe and look appropriate. 

Am I the only that has this issue I am wondering now?

Here are a few options if you find yourself in the same occasionally mangy-footed boat as me.  

Women's dv Tia Espadrilles in Gold from Target - I recently bought these and I love them. They are squishy supportive on the inside. About $25

 Reef Women's Shaded Summer ES Fashion Sneaker  in Blue Raffia. About $45. Here are some similar ones at Target as well.

The SAK Women's Ella Espadrille in Seafoam Flower Power. About $48.

Tom's Canvas Slip-On in Natural Metallic Burlap - A classic and this texture is really pretty. About $50.

Converse Womens Chuck Taylor Shoreline Sneaker in White. I love this bright white color and stretchy heel.

About $60. Also a classic.

Crocs get a bad rap, but I have some similar to these and I love them.  They are great for a day at an amusement park. You don't get party gravy all over your feet and you can throw them in the washing machine or hose them off when you get home. They are light weight and I think pretty supportive. I like these - 

crocs Women's Kadee Animal Print W Flat. About $20!

Sanuk Women's Fiona Slip-On Shoe in Berry

I love the looks of these. I have never tried on Sanuk's, but I know people love them. This pink color gets me!!
About $50.

Did I miss any cute summer flats that I need to know about?